iSporter Jigar Mehta is back at it again! He covers all aspects of the just finished English Premier League in his season review, some real, some imaginary and some that you will find outrageous if it's your favourite club or player that he is talking about!
Here's a Humorous review of the season coupled with summary and after effects!
1) Manchester United deserved the 19th title with most wins (23 in all) and fewest losses (4) in the season knocking Liverpool off their famous perch and guess if next season Liverpool wins the League, what will both the teams fight for? An anthem called "You'll Never Walk Alone"!
2) John Pantsil was the highest paid player on field, being on home as well as opposition's pay-roll scoring three own goals for Fulham and in process equalling the record for most own goals scored in a season by a player (other being Andreas Jakobsson, Wigan, 2003/04).
3) Heurelho Gomez thought that a goal-line technology would have won them the Premier League!
4) Manchester City grabbed 3rd place and automatic qualification for Champions League so now next season they will be adding 22 more to their currently existing squad of 38. (Note: Barcelona and Real Madrid will be playing with their 2nd string teams next season!)
5) The most confused player of the season was Wayne Rooney, first of all he was confused whether he was injured or not then handed in transfer request because the team lacked ambition and then re-signed after being offered a big-fat pay check!
6) A "tell me something new" statement: Arsene Wenger needs to buy!
7) Venky's need counselling on Football with someone making them understand that a first division football is better than a second division! (Recommended Counsellor: Sam Allardyce, he will be in a better position to explain!)
8) Gunners need 20 replacements in their squad! 1 on urgent basis (a certain guy named Nicklas), 19 of them on semi-urgent basis!
9) Kevin Davies better than Paul Scholes? Yes a dream that took a staggering 123 fouls, the most by a player since 1996. (Strong arguement: may be Scholes wasn't given enough starts!)
10) Jerome Thomas, Andrey Arshavin and Jermaine Pennant all are in urgent need of Glucon-D, Red Bull and Gatorades after being substituted 19 times, more than any other player this season.
11) Manchester City should have played a lottery this season for their hefty summer transfers, they would have won it for sure after scoring eight deflected goals, the most by any team in the season.
12) West Ham United relegated! Reason: linesmen! (Yes West Ham were caught offside more than any other team this season!)
13) Chelsea's shopping list after 2011 season: August 2011: New Manager, November 2011: New Manager, January 2012: New Manager, March 2012: New Manager, August 2012: New owner!(enough is enough)
14) Finally a defender learnt how to shoot! Yes Ashley Cole mastered the art after practicing it on Tom Cowan, a sports science student on work placement with Chelsea. (With a .22 air rifle!)
15) Arsenal's shopping list this summer: 20 defenders, 25 goalkeepers!
16) Arsenal's selling list for the next four seasons: Season1: Nicklas Bendtner (20 million), if not sold then Season 2 (5 million), if not sold then Season 3: (loaned to Chelsea), Season 4: (free transfer to Manchester United!)
17) Barcelona can be beaten!
18) The best first touch of the season: Paul Scholes - a first touch which surely guarantees a foul or a yellow card!
19) Avram Grant's new designation: Relegation-specialist Manager (It's a performance based appraisal as he had worked very hard in successful relegations of Portsmouth and West Ham United)
20) "LOL & ROFL" moment of the year: Nani went down, rolled on the floor, got up in 5 seconds, went to referee Phil Dowd complained, again went down and cried for next 5 minutes! (Exceptional performance!)
21) "What the Hell" moment of the season: Gary Neville denied a win in his own testimonial match!!
22) West Ham Back line was exactly like Pakistan Defense force, none knew when the opposition came, conquered and left! (Worst home record of the season: played 19, won 5, drawn 5, lost 9, and conceded 31 goals with goal difference of -7!)
23) Finally Gunners had something to cheer at the end of the season yes Birmingham please flaunt the Carling Cup trophy in front of second division teams! (Arsenal's season end is always marked following a Birmingham clash)
24) Finally a Proof that Manchester United players do use their heads while at work! (United scored more headed goals than any other team in the Premier League this season (18))
25) Arsenal players to feature in a movie called "Wrong Turn 2 Dead End" From the quadruple to fourth place in two months! (After Carling Cup final, Arsenal's points-per-game total puts them in 14th - below Wigan, Wolves and Blackburn).
26) Sergio Busquets just had his face operated following an Ankle injury!
27) Arsenal need some possession now! Yes - possession of a trophy!
28) The confusion which cost Arsenal the Carling Cup was difficulty faced by Koscielny & Szczesny in pronouncing each other's surnames!
29) Finally we came to know the difference between Jose Mourinho and God: yes! God doesn't think he's Jose Mourinho!
30) Roman Abramovich spent £50 million on Torres just to break David Blaine's record for doing nothing in a box for 40 days. (Pick up from one of the jokes on internet, just couldn't resist adding it)
31) Refugees named Alexander Hleb, Robert Pires, Mathieu Flamini, all want to come back to Arsenal!
32) Who is Mario Balotelli?
33) Messi!!!!!!!!!!! (Name is enough!)
34) Most asked question for the next three seasons: Will Wilshere join Barcelona?
35) Finally can someone please inform Ryan Giggs that the World is going to end next year so please take some rest now! (Most Premier League appearances for a player, with 573, the player of the season by far!)
Coming to the serious side of things in English Premier League..........
36) Team of English Premier League: Manchester United
37) Manager of the season: Sir Alex Ferguson
38) Comeback of the season: Newcastle united 4 - 4 at St James' Park: A stunning comeback from 4-0 down to earn a draw that shocked title hopefuls Arsenal.
39) Top Strikers of the Season: Javier Hernandez (13 goals), Dirk Kuyt (13 goals), Robin Van Persie (18 goals), Carlos Tevez (21 goals), Dimitar Berbatov (21 goals).
40) Top midfielders of the season: Scott Parker, Jack Wilshere, Samir Nasri, Rafael van der Vaart, Ryan Giggs, Nani, Charlie Adam.
41) Top defenders of the season: Leighton Baines, Vincent Kompany, Nemanja Vidic, Bacary Sagna.
42) Top signings of the season: Luis Suarez (Ajax to Liverpool), Rafael van der Vaart (Real Madrid to Tottenham), Javier Hernandez (Chivas to Manchester United), David Luiz (Benfica Lisbon to Chelsea), Darren Bent (Aston Villa to Sunderland), Raul Meireles (Fc Porto to Liverpool), David Silva (Valencia to Manchester City).
43) Worst Signings of the season: Fernando Torres (Liverpool to Chelsea), Mario Balotelli (Inter Milan to Manchester City), Bébé (Guimaraes to Manchester United), Sebastien Squillaci (Sevilla to Arsenal).
44) Under-Achievers of the season: Arsenal (4th spot! they are far better than this)
45) Over-Achievers of the season: West Bromwich Albion coming back from relegation, finishing 11th in league.
46) Keeper of the Season: Joe Hart
47) Loanee of the season: Demba Ba (Hoffenheim to West Ham, loan) (Netting 7 times in 12 matches)
48) Moment of the season: Rooney's spectacular bicycle kick goal against Manchester City at Old Trafford that won the match for United.
With due respect to each and every person mentioned in the article, Please do take it with a pinch of salt and in the spirit of humour.
Stats source: Opta
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... Really really loved this MAncity should play lottery lol they would definately won one!!! and MESSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG what a season well written!!!! |
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