Ashes 2010-11 special: 10 To-Do's for Team England in order to win this year’s series

The greatest series of all time 'The Ashes' is back this year! iSporter Jigar Mehta presents his humorous take on how England can win the Ashes this time around.

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There is huge excitement among the Cricket fans and with the Australians going through the worst of their cricketing forms, here are some commandments that the English Team must follow to call it 'Game Set and Match' over the Kangaroos!

1) Appoint Lalit Modi as specialist Twitter coach: The best way to beat the Kangaroos is to give them a taste of their own Medicine. Rope in Lalit Modi as a specialist twitter coach to start the war of words and sledging over Twitter. We all know how good Mr. Lalit Modi is at handling matters on Twitter! And with Michael Vaughan and Shane Warne joining in, half of the battle will be automatically won.

2) Play according to the weakness of the opposition: Keeping in view the most important tournament, the World Cup, coming up, England should rest all their fast bowlers and play only spinners even on the fastest pitches, as we all know that fast bowlers are not really needed for a victory against the Aussies, the team most Vulnerable to spin bowling! (The English part-time spinners will have a good opportunity to add heavily to their Wickets column this time around.)

3) Don't worry about the No.3's in the Aussie as Well their own batting line up: The English team should not worry about Australian No.3 batsman Ricky Ponting, as it is, he was not doing any good with the bat. Also he is aware that he cannot get any better from where he is at the moment, so why waste time behind planning out his wicket? The wicket will be automatically gifted! (For confirmations contact Mark Taylor.) And with regards to the form of their own No.3 batsman, Kevin Pietersen, just make him feel that he is playing against South Africa and everything will be fine!

4) Gift the Vice-Captain of the Aussie team a video CD of all the 614 matches of Sachin Tendulkar : The Australian Vice-Captain, Michael Clarke doesn't seem to be well these days after the Indian tour, the culprit being 'Sachin Tendulkar'. Here's the story in his own words "I am sick of seeing Sachin scoring so many runs". So the English must take advantage of this situation and make him more sick by gifting him a video CD of all the 614 international matches of Sachin Tendulkar. If they are successful in gifting him his First-class and domestic innings as well, there are chances that his sickness might extend for the next 4-5 Ashes or may be till retirement.

5) Make the Australian players sign contract extension for their respective IPL teams: Try and get the owners of the IPL teams of the respective Australian players to extend their contracts for long term; this will only increase the disharmony which is currently going strong among the Australian team members. (Just inform the Aussie vice-captain, Michael Clarke, in person that Michael Hussey has signed a contract extension with Chennai Super Kings and then watch his reaction!)

6) Rope in Dr. Vijay Mallya as the main sponsor of the Barmy Army: The global financial crisis and the soaring Australian dollar have dramatically cut the number of English tourists travelling to Australia to support their team and with the prizes of Booze at the Stadiums getting higher and higher the ECB should rope in our own Billionaire and Booze king (fisher), Dr. Vijay Mallya, as the main sponsor of the 'Barmy Army' because with their mere presence only, half of the battle is already won.

7) Lift the ban on the WAGs: The ECB should immediately lift the ban on WAGs and allow the top order batsmen to enjoy time with their WAGs because they only need a ''Ninth-wicket partnership" to bring about an Australian downfall! Isn't it?

8) Rope in Herschelle Gibbs to spill the beans: Rope in Herschelle Gibbs to write in a book on secrets of the Australian dressing room as we know by now he is the master at revealing secrets and a specialist writer too! The book can be named "To the Silly-point!"

9) Pray to the Almighty Lord: Pray to god that "Nathan Hauritz" is selected in all the 5 test matches of the series.

10) Leave it to the opposition captain: If none of the above things work, leave it to the "captaincy of Mr. Ricky Ponting" and the Ashes will be safely in English hands!

At the end to add insult to injury, when everything is done and dusted and the Ashes is won, gift a book to Cricket Australia named "Disadvantages of having an Indian tour before Ashes".

Starring Sachin Tendulkar and VVS Laxman, Special appearance Ishant Sharma and Suresh Raina!