From the iSport Cricket Pavilion: It's been years since Pakistan cricket has been involved in one controversy or the other and because of this terrible situation Pakistan Cricket has virtually died! iSporter Jigar Mehta in the right spirit of humour pens a post-mortem report
- 1. An average of ten out of eleven Pakistan cricketers suffers from acute "Butt" Pain.
- 2. Pakistan Cricket Management is just like a BEST Bus conductor, it always has on the spot "change" at its disposal! (5 ODI Captains, 6 Test Captains & 2 Coaches in three years!)
- 3. PCB'S definition of Terrorist: A big hearted, open-chested, ever retiring Boom Boom standing in middle of the pitch spreading out two arms with forefingers pointing to the sky trying to win matches for Pakistan!
- 4. PCB'S version of Challenge: Try to provide 100% results without winning!
- 5. PCB'S version of success: 0-3 test series loss, 0-5 One Day Series loss (try to keep it as clean and round figured as possible!)
- 6. Pakistan's version of Leg spinner: Saeed Ajmal: 90% of his deliveries are 'Doosras' (And the experts call him an off-spinner...!)
- 7. PCB'S idea for reviving Test cricketing: Appoint an ever boring and sluggish Test skipper, Misbah-ul-Haq, captain of One day's and T20'S! (Note: Pakistan fans will now have the privilege of watching Best form of cricket, Test Cricket, 365 days a year!)
- 8. The biggest pressure on Pakistan players when they have one run to chase from five overs with five wickets in hand (it's a rarest of rare occurrence though): How to speak English in presentation ceremony!
- 9. Pakistan Retirement is just like "Time Please" while playing Hide & Seek, you can stop when in difficulty and then come back anytime at your own convenience!
- 10. Pakistan's alternate source of flood lights for Day and Night matches: Kamran Akmal with a "Happydent White" in his mouth! (Diya Jale!)
- 11. A proof that Pakistani's are not large hearted: An average of 4 out of five Pakistan cricket fans have "hearts in their mouths" while Afridi is batting, while the rest one has already passed away! (They can deposit their hearts in a 4 inch mouth and still call themselves large hearted!)
- 12. Pakistan's definition of "LOC": Leg out of Control! (For perfect definition please contact some guys named Mohammad Asif and Mohammed Amir!)
- 13. A living proof that Pakistan players are growing with age: Mohammad Yusuf, Saeed Anwar (A beard says such a lot about a man!) Note: A notable exception is Shahid Afridi!
- 14. Pakistan's version of "In No man's Land": Shoaib Malik: Nobody has figured out whether shoaib Malik is bowler, batsman or fielder (not even himself!).
- 15. Every player on the field knows where Batsman's off stump is, except for Kamran Akmal!
- 16. Role of Pakistan fielders on the field:
- Long-On & Long Off: To Adjust the sightscreen
- Silly Point & Forward Short-leg: To tie batsman's and each other's shoe laces!
- Cover, Point and Gully: To apply Saliva with lysozyme, lactoferrin, lactoperoxidase, bicarbonate composition and sweat with methyl phenol & Urea composition, one-by-one, to give Afridi a magic taste of the ball!
- Mid-wicket & Square leg: To give company to a bored Shoaib Akhtar for his 100-yard, 2hour Journey towards his run-up!
- Wicketkeeper: Shhh Pin "Drop" silence! (Everyone knows it!)
- Fine leg (with IPL style ear phone on): A fielder specifically kept for laughing at Rameez Raja's commentary jokes! (Man he deserves some respect!)
- 17. Nobody wants to stand in slips, short third man and short fine leg: Reason: A loud brazen unbearable voice chanting "Shabash shabash Shahid Bhai!"
- 18. Pakistan's version of Miracle: Inzamam-ul-Haq has never been dismissed "Timed Out"!
- 19. An 18-year old Afridi's real name is "Umar Gul" (Age definitely vanished)
- 20. The only people who are allowed to use Banned substance drugs by ICC and WADA (World Anti-doping Agency) are Pakistan Coaches (Man they have to handle a full 15-member squad and that too of Pakistan players!)
- 21. The next victim of Tennis Elbow: Shoaib Malik
- 22. Pakistan Cricket Tongue Twister: Retired Afridi retires again to come out of retirement to retire! (credits: Alternative Cricket Almanack)
- 23. PCB'S version of Twitter Ban: Players banned from tweeting in Hindi and Urdu only English allowed! (Well who said they don't apply brains at work!)
- 24. Richest cricketers in world: Pakistan cricketers, astonishingly, they get paid for every "wrong step" too!
- 25. Afridi retires from International Cricket: Alas! Pakistan domestic Cricketers will have few Balls to play with!
- 26. In the period of Mohammad Hafeez's halt at the crease while bowling, a Batsman can:
- Call the 12th man for drinks twice
- Change two pairs of Pads and Gloves twice
- Drip 20 litres of sweat (Dravid are you reading?)
- Submerge a bail completely into the pitch while marking the crease (It's an exception if the match is Pakistan v West Indies)
- Adjust his Helmet thrice
- Adjust Middle-Guard five times
- And still be left with 20 seconds more to face the delivery!
26) Afridi inspired by Social activists and will go on "Fast": Afridi's version of Fast: Comeback from retirement as "Fast" as possible!
27) Pakistan's version of "B-SCHOOL" : IIBM (International Institute of "Butt" Management) (Think beyond IIPM'S)
Honourable Alumni
- Salman Butt: (topper: received 100 marks extra for same surname!)
- Misbah-ul-Haq: (sleeping topper)
- Mohammad Asif: (Passed out with banned substance)
- Mohammad Amir: (Not allowed to give exams being a child Labour)
- Kamran Akmal: Still pursuing, "Dropper" for last "N-years"!
Training and Placement Officer: Mazhar Majeed
- Guess what the most learned person in Pakistan Cricket Team is called: A "Book"ie!
- Afridi's version of PCB: "Please Control Butt's!"
- Finally New Pakistan Campaign: "Save Afridi Campaign": Please save Afridi only "0 thousand 0 hundred and 0 'one' left!" (0001 left)
Please save Pakistan Cricket!
The author respects each and every person/player mentioned in the article. Request you to please read the article in the right spirit of humour
Set as favorite
Comments (6)
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Show/hide comments
a guest
said:
 |
... .. 3 Good..... May the Humour keep flowing..... PS: Feel for the true Pakistan cricket fans  |
Write comment
Show/hide comment form
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
