iSport Specials: The New American Superhero! - Specials - iSport

From the iSport Cricket Pavilion: iSporter Jigar Mehta pens a humourous piece on the new American super hero! Who could this one be? Check it out!

kamran_superman

Catch it! Was the call, but it was all over by then, the whole of United States of America had erupted with joy. The first ever black president was awestruck! Yes another term at the office was soon to be a reality now. The opposition leaders banged their heads in frustration cursing the poor fellow who threw in an exemplary performance that night.

The wait was ever so long yes one month two days and 5 hours and finally after the World Cup semis loss dated 30^th March 2011, Kamran Akmal was happy returning home. Unable to "catch" a flight from Mohali due to his inveterate dropping habits, a happy but disappointed Akmal, happy because he was finally provided a Helicopter by "We are a Family" fame (yes the title suits him to the core, an intrepid warrior helping tainted Pakistan cricketers any and everywhere possible): Ijaz Butt, disappointed because he was finally dropped from the squad for the tour of West Indies! Accompanying him were two other dropped, ashamed and devastated friends named Younis Khan and Abdul Razzaq.

Two Helicopter's one carrying all the three cricketers along with other carrying a happy (finally happy after break up with the ever boring Ashmit Patel of Big Boss fame) Veena Malik (a special Scotland Yard ERR... ISI agent), to keep an eye on the dropped trio. The rotor wings rolled on as the keeper embarked on a special journey which would turn his life around completely.

1.10am, place Abbottabad, about 61km north of Islamabad, a scary nightmare watching his young brother Umar getting injured woke him up, a resurgent keeper with flashy teeth hanging out like clothes hanging out of the balcony, decided enough is enough and it's time for a change! Mission resurrection started, fielding coaches, Younis Khan and Abdul Razzaq, took their positions inside the giant flying machine.

Time: 1:10:40 seconds, no balls available, "no problems" yelled an excited and beleaguered Kamran Akmal, picking up a box containing oval shaped objects from underneath his seat.

Time 1:15:20 am, Akmal feeling uneasy, hot and irritated, orders the opening of the helicopter windows, positioning himself nearby.

1:15:40 am, the first throw comes in with shouts of "catch it!"

1:15:42 am Bang!..................... a huge loud explosion beneath, the windows crackled, the butter fingers had done the trick, watching lightning all around Akmal shouted "shabash shabash Shahid Bhai!" the bamboozled duo of Younis and Razzaq was dumbstruck, yes with the pair sacrificing its sleep helping him out unselfishly still the credit went to Shahid Bhai! The next one came in and got out in no time and out came a brazen sound "shabash shabash Shahid Bhai!" hearing this the other Helicopter made a "hard landing" inside the compound of a lavish three-story building with 12- to 18-foot outer walls topped with barbed wire and internal walls that sectioned off different parts of the compound. Veena couldn't resist the voice of the former keeper shouting again and again thinking it was better to go back to Ashmit than being tortured throughout the night!

The juggernaut continued and a ceaseless total of 159 throws resulted in a scoreline reading of 0-159. 159 explosions and it was looking as if Diwali had come early at the $1 million mansion! Inside the mansion sat a person with rumpled beard streaked in gray, sitting on the floor, wrapped in a brown blanket and holding a remote control watching the former keeper's antics.

The next one was again dropped and a loud pleading voice came out from a mansion's room "catch this Seri "AL-dropper" but it was all over by then, the last catch was missed and the unsung hero had done what the United States of America couldn't do in the last 10 years! Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was finally laid to rest! An operation of 40 minutes which saw 160 catches being dropped accounting to 4 catches per minute had seen the world's most dangerous terrorist laid to rest following the horrendous 9/11 attacks.

US president Obama was overjoyed and immediately called up Butt thanking the entire PCB unit for the help. He showered encomium on Kamran Akmal declaring him an "American Idol" and offering a permanent position of "catcher" (wicket keeper of Baseball) in the New York Yankees Baseball team, while the other two players were offered a permanent position of cheerleaders in the NBA Basketball tournaments.

Meanwhile Pakistan captain Shahid Afridi was loggerheads with Coach Waqar Younis over the selection of the players who would have travelled along with Kamran Akmal. Afridi was of the opinion that Shoaib Akhtar should have been made to travel along with Kamran as the keeper was experienced and dropped magnificently and spectacularly off him which would have accounted to a spectacular farewell for the Rawalpindi Express! Reports suggest that Pakistan chief selector Mohsin Khan was so much pissed off with the selection that he offered to resign!

Run-away Keeper Zulqarnain Haider, who had demanded appropriate security on his return to Pakistan from England, has requested the Pakistan government to declare his area of living as "No-fly Zone" else he will again re-apply for Asylum in U.K after watching Akmal's antics!

Reports suggest that the tainted trio of Salman Butt, Mohammad Amir and Mohammad Asif met Kamran Akmal and had a long enquiry session with the keeper regarding the "over-stepping" rules in the Major League baseball!

When asked about how he was able to achieve such success, Kamran Akmal told our correspondent "It's my technique that has helped me reach this stage and not to forget my concentration, I really concentrate on my shouting even before the ball is delivered by the bowler which energizes the bowler to bowl well, with 100 odd dropped catches and 20 odd missed stumpings to my name, there was no chance I wouldn't have missed these 160 simple one's!"

The bright white teeth shined like stars in the galaxy and praises were showered on young keeper with accolades of "Show stopper-Legend dropper", "drop until u stop", "Drop Star" etc etc. The PCB were so much impressed with the wicketkeeper that they decided to follow his footsteps and "Dropped" all Match fixing charges against him. The United States of America announced the erection of Akmal's statue replacing statue of Liberty but without the "Tourch and Tablet" in his hands because they were in danger of getting dropped!

Addressing the nation, a loud voice came from the White house, "Justice has been done," thanks to "Shabash Shabash Kamran bhai!"

Note: All the facts in this article are made up and due respect to all the people mentioned in this article. Please read it in the spirit of humour