An inordinately interesting piece by iSporter Jigar Mehta as he brings out his own version of rules, some which Jigar believes the ICC have forgotten to implement amongst their new set of rules, some which he feels are must-haves, some which the fans will love and some which are ‘modified versions’ of the currently modified laws.
Excellent, first-class, fantabulous, splendid (for only ICC members), Bold, brave, dauntless, fearless, hardy, intrepid (for the different Cricket Boards), Calm, impassive, Happy (for BCCI), Insane, Cracked, Crazy, Idiotic, senseless, schizophrenic (for the fans) are some of the adjectives one would associate with ICC’s new rules and the changes implemented in the old ones.
Whilst ICC has done an Afridi (Yes, you guessed it right - brainless thinking) while setting up the rules, they have also made sure that they have forgotten to add the ones which I believe the beautiful game called Cricket needs the most and this has provoked my cricketing senses and woken up the sleeping “Shaitan” (Devil) in me and propelling me to think in this direction.
Here are ‘my’ changes required in the current rules both on-field and off-field to make the game more lively and interesting! Read on!
Jigsactin’s Rules:
1) First and foremost, apply a media ban on BCCI (especially Niranjan Shah, just unbearable!) and if any of the members breach the code of conduct, impose a $60,000 fine which shall be duly collected by Ijaz Butt.
2) Age limit be made mandatory for the selectors, with members only above the age of Afridi and below the age of Simon Katich be allowed to contest the elections. (For the first time an Indian writer will get full Australian support!)
3) Fines should be imposed on boards who excessively fine their players (well no board is allowed to become wealthier than the BCCI!
4) Runners are the heart of any cricketing system, without the runners how on Earth will the fans get entertained? (Imagine two batsmen injured at the crease and two runners running for each and all of them end up at the same end! Isn’t that fun? ). Allow the addition of the former players (e.g Ganguly, Inzamam-ul-Haq, Mohammad Yusuf etc etc) in the squad for the job of runners which will help them earn their livelihood after retirement and make the game more interesting (unless you have an altruistic team like Pune Warriors in the IPL or a benevolent person like Dr. Vijay Mallya at your rescue!)
5) Rename the danger area on the pitch to “Praveen Kumar” area.
6) Appoint a human rights committee during matches involving the West Indies to supervise the atrocities committed on certain cricketing equipments called bails and pitches!
7) Appoint Google plus employees who will run onto the field after every over to add “+one” to the Duckworth-Lewis par score. Yes, we do not want any complaints from a certain guy named Smith from South Africa!
8) In addition to two balls, i.e new balls from both ends, employ the strategy of using an extra ball (“anything to do with” ball) which will be exclusively under the control of the captain, and we hope that this strategy will help us get our “Shahid Bhai back!” in the international arena. (Note: The third ball change will be mandatory after 34 overs!)
9) Twelfth man and the support staff be allowed to carry out an additional job of ‘Ball boys’, otherwise a team will be without it’s captain after every two alternate games, banned for slow over rate (Note: Only two over-rate breaches in a year are allowed) and mind you BCCI and whole of India can’t afford it!)
10) Bowlers be allowed to have drinks after each and every delivery otherwise the cricketing fraternity will be devoid of an endangered “Munaf-Nehra” species! (Sorry Mr. Gavaskar!)
11) Schedule of both batting and bowling Powerplays and their span be allotted in accordance to the teams, for example:
• For Pakistan, the powerplays can be taken only when Afridi comes out to bat and continued only up till his duration of stay at the crease!
• For West Indies, Powerplays can be taken only when Ramnaresh Sarwan and Chanderpaul are at the crease and continued only up till the duration of their stay at the crease! (Still they will fall short of the target by 150 odd runs!)
• For India: Why the hell do they need Powerplays when they have the likes of Sachin and Sehwag?
12) Substitute fielders should be banned as long as Ricky Ponting doesn’t retire! (This will definitely help the stadiums save some TV sets!)
13) ODI Boundaries be brought in by 20-25 meters for hard-core test players like Ramnaresh Sarwan, Chanderpaul and Misbah-ul-Haq, in order to save ODI Cricket! (Note: A notable exception of Rahul Dravid (if he makes a comeback) has been made here after an impressive 15% increase in his strike rate upto 40 against the West Indies!)
14) No UDRS be used when Pakistan is playing as it can save the PCB $60,000 per match. You can be rest assured that every nick and edge will be dropped and if it is edged onto the pads it will in all probability be a massive no-ball, so why need technology?
15) Hawk-Eye be brought back in the UDRS, Man! The fans cannot see Saeed Ajmal happy for a long time!
16) Minnows be given Test status and assigned return tours to West Indies, well this is how we can bring back “Fire in baby’s lawn” and save West Indies cricket!
17) Every stadium be given the notice of having two dressing rooms, the new one will contain only TV sets and glasses and an escort to guide the players who are run out by a substitute fielder or just missed their centuries by 94 runs!
18) A fifth Umpire be recruited to review the wrong “Television Replays”
19) Finally ICC should have a review system for its own decisions!
The author respects each and every individual / player mentioned in this article and requests readers to read the article in the right spirit of humour.
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awesomee...
a guest
said:
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... I just say that there must be 2 rules have to be changed. one that for the LBW review system we gotta have no half ball or full ball wicket hit system or rule 2nd that every national cricket team has to accept the DRS system and who the hell is the Indian team or any other team to deny it or not take it. ICC must put a ban on those teams who reject or deny these systems. Its a new change and good change for the betterment of the Cricket and is set by the ICC as a must rule so must be accepted to have obeyed the rule of the gentle men's game, the Cricket. thank you |
Sandy
said:
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... Nice attempt at humor but a touch too long. Make sure you stick to 10 points rather than 20 when you write a similar one the next time around  |
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